Saturday, February 5, 2011

The power of numbers....

So i hopped on the scales today not expecting anything amazing and that is what i got. 99.3kg, same as last time and although no lost or gain, i pretty much expected these numbers as i haven't been putting in the effort. 

Nah well i am not going to let it faze me to much, tomorrow is Monday and a start to the new week where im going to up the ante and push myself a little harder. I know i could be going to aqua aerobics 4 times a week as opposed to 3, but i didn't want to start out with too much too soon scared i would find it all to hard and give up. But tomorrow will be my 4th week of aqua aerobics and i feel im ready to do more. Alternatively i was thinking i may incorporate a gym session in my week somewhere, im going to at least check out the gym this week and see all those gym machines up close & personal and look upon them as aides to getting healthy & not bloody horrible painful equipment that i make 1000 excuses to not use them. 

Eating: I have been abit lost this week with my eating habits. I am kind of running out of ideas for healthy recipes. Sounds like an excuse but i've looked at online recipes and the 1's i have found are either way out of my budget or the ingredients are not available where i live. I live in a small town and i drive to a bigger town which is 1 hour away to do my groceries and even there the selection of food products are limited. They have all the basics but none of the fancy pancy stuff or a huge variety of fruit or veg. So if anyone could help me with sending me some healthy easy & cheap recipes or even website links that would be much appreciated. There is only so many times i can eat tuna & vita wheat crackers for lunch and vegetable curry for dinner. Another thing is i am a self taught cooker, noone has ever taught me how to cook, hubby says my cooking is great but he would eat anything put in front of him. So my cooking skills are a work in progress but i am willing to try. I also don't like cooking, if i was to be honest, i don't loath it but i certainly don't get pleasure from it, maybe because i am lazy ,haha. Confession: I had a ice-cream yesterday, 4 chocolate biscuits the day before and drunk 3 glasses of fizzy drink, arghhhhhhhhhh and i feel horrible for it. It is alright to have a treat but not in that way and i don't deserve the treat yet as i haven't done much to deserve it, haha, well thats how i feel anyways. In addition i had my period, which for me sugar is my drug & medicine, my sweet tooth transforms into sweet teeth and every inch of me craves sugar, its very overpowering and i think i need to be stronger with fighting it, i can only but try. I guess i am improving as in the past i would devour a whole cake of chocolate! 

Exercise: I know i am capable of more, just because i go to aqua aerobics for a hour, doesn't mean i should just come home and sit on my arse and do nothing until my next session, i need to be moving move in between. It is still hard but very slowly getting easier, just getting to the swimming pool and putting on my togs can be hard as my lazy thoughts kick in but once im there it is so worth it and im glad i went and not pulled out. Friday sessions kill me as they are in the morning but its a good way to end the week.

Mentality: Ups & downs, starting to feel better, not to the point where i feel invigorated and like a box of fluffys but I am not as low or lost. I am still having my 'low' moments but exercising and getting out and about does help. My depression is slowly being suppressed with getting up and moving, its such a bitch how with being overweight & depression goes hand in hand, depression can effect anyone, anywhere, but as a fatty its a pain in the arse as it really effects what i eat and how much i move and feel, totally vicious cycle but I'm trying my best to break the cycle and i can only but try. I think my biggest down fall is i have too much spare time, time to think about unnecessary bullshit and to much time to feel worthless. My study starts up again soon, but because i study from home i am still not socialising or in a 'normal' routine, which for me is i know is no good. So i am in the process of updating my C.V and hoping to find work asap which isn't easy living in a small town but I'm willing to do whatever it takes. 

Physically: Although the scales are not showing great numbers, physically i am feeling better, not amazing but better. I'm not as achy as i use to be and my knee is not giving me as much grief. Hubby says he thinks i have lost weight in my arms and round my back, which is where i like to call my 'back boobs' are, haha. To have so much fat around my back is disgusting, i use to joke i need a bra for my back, but really its not that funny, so i hoping to work that area more. My main problem area is my stomach, im a typical apple shape, im fat all over but my stomach is bigger than some pregnant woman, i know i change it, in fact im determine to do so. 

So all in all, i haven't had a very productive week, having my period hasn't helped, but hey i have to keep my eye on the prize and keep going forward and not backwards. I have a wedding to go to in April, i'm wanting to wear a dress, a dress that doesn't look like a potato sack, haha so i'm working towards being able to wear a nice girly dress and a dress i can feel comfortable in. I'm aiming to be at least 5-7kg down by then, i know i can do it! 

Until next time.................

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